ROSE:  But anyway, we don't know.  And lots of sad things, too, we face.  See.  And this case, I didn't know if this first one, we didn't know if he was going to live or not.  That was the thing.  But there's other cases.
 
This is -- our mind go for health aide, our mind go up and down.  Sometimes just like we're happy that somebody's going to be okay, and there's other times we know that somebody's barely breathing, a little baby is barely breathing.  So you know, it make our mind go up.  It's -- it's pretty bad. 

MARLA:  Like a roller coaster? 

ROSE:  Yeah.  Uh-hum.  And mind just go up, go down, go up, go down.  And sometimes we lose patients.  It's something that we couldn't fix, it's beyond -- it's -- it's beyond what anybody can do. 

MARLA:  And what helped you get through those times?

ROSE: Me my own self, I just prayed.  It's -- it's like -- it's like -- it's just like God is right there and standing with me all the way through. 

That's -- right now, somebody come in, you know when there's traumas in the Bush, somebody come right away to help them.  The whole 25 years that I was working, I didn't get that kind of people.  I stand up on my -- with my own -- with my own strength, but I pray.  I believe that the help is there with me. 

I feel pretty sad, you know, that somebody died.  And that's what happened.  Somebody died and what else can we do?  It's -- it's pretty bad. 
Towards the end, maybe I was already really tired.  Now, I was just about to retire, and I was coming back up from Nulato, going to Huslia, and that Galena clinic asked me if I could -- oh, I'm going to Anchorage anyway from Galena, so they said if I could get in that other -- other charter flight with this burn patient.  So I did that. 

And I was at conference in Anchorage -- in Anchorage.  And they give us one hour where we're having conference, we're having meeting, but they give us one hour to talk to express ourself of our feelings.
 
And lots of us we talk and some of them when they first heard that, they only start crying.  You've been through traumas, somebody died with them.  And probably somebody that's their close relative.  And there's nothing -- nothing they could do.  And they only some of them start crying, that's all, but that's how hard it is. 

Just we could say the education is really good.  The education is good, but see, we go through all that.  We see dead body and everything.  So you know. 

For the young health aides right now, we give them credit for what they are doing.  They have to be pretty brave to face up to all the emergency things. 
But anyway, at the same time, too, you know, that's an education.  We learn from the doctors, we learn from the nurses, and then we learn as we are working because we see things, things happen, you know.  And next time, we -- we hope we learned out of that, you know.  And it go like that. 

MARLA:  And, well --